If there is one question that every tour guide in every castle in the world gets asked, it is this: “Where did they go to the toilet?”
We tend to romanticize medieval castles. We imagine knights in shining armor, banquets, and courtly love. We rarely imagine the smell. But the reality of life in a fortress packed with hundreds of people and animals was often disgusting, dangerous, and incredibly smelly. This deep dive into the “conveniences” of the Middle Ages reveals a world where waste management was a matter of life and death, and where the toilet was the most dangerous room in the house.
The Garderobe: A Hole in the Floor
The medieval toilet was known as a garderobe. The name comes from the French garder (to keep) and robe (clothing). Why? Because people believed that the smell of ammonia from the waste would protect their clothes from moths. So, they hung their finest furs and woolens inside the toilet shaft. Yes, people walked around smelling of latrine to protect their clothes from bugs.
Architecturally, a garderobe was simple but effective:
- The Chamber: A small room protruding from the castle wall, often corbeled out over the moat or a river. It was usually windowless, though some had small slits for ventilation (which worked both ways, often letting freezing wind in).
- The Seat: A stone or wooden bench with a hole in it. There were no U-bends, no water traps, and certainly no flush. In higher-status garderobes, you might find a stone lid to keep the smell down, or even a padded seat.
- The Chute: A long, vertical shaft that dropped everything straight down into the cold air.
The Problem of “Splashback” and “Frozen Bowels”
The design had flaws. In winter, an updraft from the freezing wind outside could turn the garderobe into a refrigeration unit. It famously gave rise to the medieval medical complaint of “frozen bowels”—essentially severe constipation caused by the trauma of sitting on a freezing stone block in zero-degree weather.
Also, gravity is not always accurate. The waste didn’t always fall cleanly. It would streak down the castle walls, creating large brown stains that can sometimes still be seen on ruins today (though usually, centuries of rain have washed them away). This “staining” was actually a defensive weakness; enemy scouts could spot the location of the toilets from miles away by the discoloration on the walls.
The Groom of the Stool: The Ultimate Intimacy
For the King, going to the toilet was not a private affair. It was a state occasion. The most intimate (and strangely, most coveted) job in the royal court was the Groom of the Stool. This courtier was responsible for:
- Carrying the King’s portable toilet box (the “Stool”).
- Helping the King undress.
- Wiping the King’s bottom.
- Monitoring the King’s bowel movements for signs of illness and reporting them to the royal physician.
While this sounds degrading to modern ears, it was a position of immense power. The Groom was alone with the King during his most vulnerable moments. He became a confidant, a secret-keeper, and often a key political advisor. Men like Sir Henry Norris (Groom to Henry VIII) were among the most powerful men in England—until Henry had him executed, of course.
The Gong Farmer: The Worst Job in History
What happened to the waste? Ideally, it fell into a river and floated away. But many castles had dry moats or cesspits. These pits would fill up. Someone had to clean them.
Enter The Gong Farmer.
“Gong” was Old English for “going” (as in “going to the toilet”) or dung. The Gong Farmer was the unfortunate soul whose job it was to dig out the cesspits.
- Night Work: By law, they were only allowed to work at night, between 9 PM and 5 AM, so that polite society didn’t have to smell them or see them. They lived in designated areas on the outskirts of towns.
- The Pay: Surprisingly, it was a high-paying job. Because it was so foul and dangerous (men frequently died from the toxic fumes known as “mephitic vapors”), Gong Farmers earned a decent wage—often double that of a laborer—and were often given allowances of strong alcohol to get them through the shift.
- The Danger: It wasn’t just the smell. In 1326, a Gong Farmer in London named Richard the Raker fell into a cesspit he was cleaning. The crust gave way, and he famously “drowned fast in the ordure.”
Hygiene Myths vs. Reality
Myth: Medieval people were dirty and never bathed. Reality: They actually valued cleanliness, just not in the way we do.
Public bathhouses (stews) were very popular in medieval cities until the spread of Syphilis in the 16th century forced them to close. In castles, the Lord and Lady would bathe in wooden tubs lined with linen sheets (to avoid splinters), with water heated over the kitchen fire. They used soap made from animal fat, ash, and scented herbs.
However, “germ theory” didn’t exist. They believed bad smells (miasma) caused disease. So, they would throw sweet-smelling herbs like lavender, meadowsweet, and rosemary on the floor to mask the stench, thinking this protected them from sickness. Ironically, the filthy conditions of the garderobe shafts often contaminated the castle’s well water, leading to Dysentery—the number one killer of medieval armies. King Henry V, the hero of Agincourt, died of dysentery (then called the “bloody flux”) at the height of his power, proving that a microorganism is deadlier than a French knight.
Medieval Pharmacy: The Cure was the Disease
In a bizarre twist, human and animal waste was not just a nuisance; it was a resource. Medieval medicine, based on the theory of the Four Humors, often used excrement in its cures.
- Eagle Dung: Was used to ease the pain of childbirth.
- Dove Droppings: Were mixed with honey and applied to the eyes to cure blindness (please do not try this).
- Urine: Was used as an antiseptic for cleaning wounds (which actually works, as urine is sterile when it leaves the body) and for bleaching wool.
The “Privy Garden”
There is a dark irony in castle gardening. The most beautiful, lush, and greenest grass in the castle grounds was often found at the base of the garderobe tower. The “Privy Garden” was improved by the constant supply of rich, organic fertilizer dropping from above. While the Lord and Lady might stroll there to admire the flowers, they were essentially walking in their own compost. This cycle of nutrients—from the Great Hall, through the body, into the moat, and back into the soil—was the unintended ecosystem of the castle.
The Toilet as a Weapon
The garderobe was also a castle’s structural weak point. It was a direct vertical tunnel into the heart of the fortress.
- King Edmund II (Ironside): According to legend, he was assassinated in 1016 while sitting on the toilet. An assassin hid in the pit below and stabbed him upwards with a spear. This method of assassination was terrifyingly common in the sagas.
- Siege of Château Gaillard (1204): The French forces of King Philip II captured this mighty fortress, built by Richard the Lionheart, by having a soldier climb up the toilet chute. He entered the chapel above, lowered the drawbridge, and let the French army in. It brings a new meaning to “sneaking in the back door.”
- The Siege of Harfleur: During Henry V’s campaign, the English army was decimated not by arrows, but by the dysentery caused by the filthy conditions of the siege camp, where thousands of men relieved themselves in open ditches near the water supply.
The Great Stink
The problem of waste didn’t end with the Middle Ages. It plagued castles and palaces well into the Victorian era. Versailles, the grandest palace in Europe, was famously filthy. It had thousands of rooms but almost no toilets. Courtiers would relieve themselves in the corridors or behind heavy curtains. The smell was said to be overpowering in the summer. It wasn’t until the Great Stink of London in 1858, when the smell of the River Thames became so bad that Parliament had to be suspended, that modern sewage systems were finally engineered by Joseph Bazalgette.
Conclusion
Next time you visit a castle and admire the soaring towers and beautiful tapestries, look for the small stone room jutting out over the moat. Remember the Gong Farmer working in the dark below. Remember the King needing a witness to wipe him. And be very, very grateful for the ceramic flush toilet waiting for you at home.